I can never picture my dad as a fatherly figure. He always uses violence and easily hot-tempered in most situations. When this happens, he will kick the door with a bang sound. He would throw items on the ground when he is angry and raise his voice on top of his lung. At night, he would frighten the whole family with beating and caning that causes us hard to sleep. He even speaks vulgar and awful words to hurt my mum and me. Eventually, this has become a habit since then.
I did not know I was physically and verbally abuse until one day, in my teenage days, I was talking to my mum and was half asleep. My mum called my dad's name that I disturbed her sleep, immediately he pulled my hair from behind and shouted at me.
I remembered blaming my mum for choosing to marry my dad. Afterward, my mum gave birth to me. It would be better off; I'm not born here on earth (Ecclesiastes 4:3). I commented those sentences are not to disappoint her but rather, to make her understand, nothing good comes out from her husband. Being her daughter, I feel ashamed of the act that he portrayed. Bitterness has constantly robbed my joy away. Anger started to boil up within me. At the back of my mind, I knew I had to forgive my dad and be kind to him despite all the wrongs that he had done. If my Heavenly Father can forgive all my sins and iniquities as a daughter of God, I must likewise forgive others (Ephesians 4:31-32). After all, he is still my dad.
Ten years had passed, still, struggle to speak with gentleness when hiccups take place. My best friend instructed me a couple of times to surrender all issues that relate to or deal with my dad to my Heavenly Father. I confessed that I have surrendered to God partially but not completely. She added on, by surrendering (100%) to God, we take captive of every thought and mind to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we choose to surrender, we are not allowing the devil to destroy us (Ephesians 4:27).
Our earthly fathers may fail us and make mistakes because they are naturally born sinners. They also need to be saved by the precious blood of Christ. Our Heavenly Father is so much different. He is someone that we can run towards where His mighty arms open-widely ready to hug His children. When we cry or pour out our feelings and sorrows, God will keep track of all of them in His book and collect every single tear in His bottle (Psalm 56:8). When we landed at uncertainty places, we can be sure that He is looking out over us wherever we go and will not leave until He fulfills His promise (Genesis 28:15). Our Father in Heaven is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love (Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13). We can rest assured that He loves us more than we will ever understand or imagine in this lifetime.
God has spoken to me is to love my father just the way, He loves me because love comes from God Himself (John 16:27, 1 John 4:7). As a follower of Christ, we must demonstrate the love of God to others because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) which relates to our imperfection. To cover sin is to forgive, just as saying forgiveness is associated with love. Love doesn't keep a record of wrong (1 Corinthians 13:5).
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