Dear God Challenge

Dear God, They are people out there, why did You choose me? I mean with so many scars, brokenness, underlying issues and mess up in my decision-making. I’m sorry that I try so hard to gain the approval of men and I see myself going back and forth. Sometimes, I get wandered off and my ears are filled with voices. Believing in the lies of the devil, I’m sorry. Number of times, I don’t even know I suppressed (brush off) my feelings because I don’t see the need to tell You and to cry out to You when I’m hurt. Thank You for allowing me to grief and even collect my tears into Your jar. I’ve been afraid of the future and uncertainties. Up till today, I still do... Even though, I know You hold my future in Your Almighty hand. Those confusions and my mess up make me become a prodigal daughter. Fear had consumed me and had robbed my joy away from You since then. Countless times, You grab me immediately from stumbling or falling or going to the deep sea. Countless times, I am stuck in nowhere or maybe running in circles, You wait for me patiently to return Home where Presence is. Thank You for not giving up on me when I have given up on myself. Let my faith rise and my heart believes because You are more than I ever wanted and I’m Yours forever. Here I Am Send Me! Your daughter 19.09.2020 #DearGodChallenge

Listen to Dear God by Cory Asbury

Heartache For Losing Friends

source: https://weheartit.com/entry/172330769

Since young, I treasure my friendship a lot. They understood me very well more than my family members. I never received much love from my immediate family and as well as my relatives. To me, friendship is the key necessary thing that I hold dearly. Along the years goes by, my perspective of friendship has changed because of what had happened in the past. I guess I was being naive even up till the age of 19. I wish I could turn back the clock and amend some things that I've made or not yet make. Yes, there were regrets... Sometimes in those days when I thought of them (my 3 closest friends) in my mind and looking through my photo albums which I printed them out, I can't hold back my tears. [Even as, I'm writing these out, my tear about to flow down.] When I think of them now, I'm no longer feel hurt but rather wounds and/or scars in me. All 3 incidents, left me despair. We are no longer the closest friends we can be and they had chosen not to contact me anymore. Our friendship just breaks into pieces by pieces.

My dear friend, if you lost your friend(s) and chose to cut any tied and friendship with you, always remember that we have Jesus who is our friend. He is ready to listen to all your complain, pain, and sorrow. If you cannot pleased for yourself, Jesus being the mediator pleasing for your account to God our Father against all enemies (Job 16:20-21). Just simply run towards His Out-Stretch arm and cry to Him. Our Lord Jesus is constant, He does no sin to harm us. He won't leave and abandon His friends. We, humans, make mistakes and we are not constant. That's why we hurt our friends and sometimes, without even knowing it. We can't depend so much on our earthy friends because we are not God who is perfect. I am not asking you to hold every friendship loosely, not every friend is unreliable and there is a real friend that sticks closer than a brother or sister (Proverbs 18:24).

Asking Spirit Himself to help you in your weakness, .... intercede for you with groanings that cannot be expressed in words

Here are ways to reconcile.

When fights take place we should give ourselves space or time out so that we can reflect on ourselves. Do make sure you and your friend are ready to meet up and truly, want to settle once and for all. The reason is you want to respect one another decision on whether or not to meet up. If both are ready, make sure that you prayed very hard for yourself. Then, gather together to talk things out with one of the same clique friends with the fellowship of the triune God being the center of the conversation. [Depend on the situation because not every situation can be settled alone through 1-1 conversion.] Asking the Spirit Himself to help you in your weakness, to guide your lips, and intercede for you with groanings that cannot be expressed in words – allowing the Father to search your hearts (Romans 8:26-27).

Note: Will be better if one volunteer to read out and pray according to these verses (if all of you are Christians) before starting the conversation.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, we are to make the first move no matter what the reason is.

DO NOT wait and think that another party will make the move to apologise to you. Trust me, it never happens. The more you seat on it, the chances are your friendship will be drifted away. He/she may find that you are not being sincere enough to want to apologise and will end up not wanting to forgive you. If your friend or another party doesn't want to meet up with you to settle the issues as I mentioned earlier, you can write an apology letter or an email to him/her.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, we are to make the first move no matter what the reason is. Jesus made the first move to die for us while we are still sinners (Romans 5:8). Likewise, on the cross, Jesus asked, "Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing"(Luke 23:24). Them here refers to the Roman soldiers who were gambling for His clothing (John 19:23–24, religious leaders who were mocking Him (Matthew 27:41–43), and the crowd who was blaspheming Him (Matthew 27:39).

Finally, after your heart is settled, do pray a short prayer over yourself for healing, restoration, and breakthrough. Not to forgot to bless the person while moving forward from the hurts (whether continue as a friend or separate your own way). Well, I would only say, I am still learning even now in my mid-20. These are things that I've learnt through the friends that I encountered.

God is gracious to provide me with a group of friends which we call ourselves 'Bros and Sis group' and 'Royal Priesthood'. He has restored and double what I had before after I lost my friends (Job 42:10). He knew I needed friends to stay by my side to share my problems and issues freely. To confess, I had failed them as well as a best friend, sister, fellow servant of God. Most importantly, as a daughter of God. I'm truly grateful (to them) that they have not left me since then.

I want to take this opportunity to apologise to some of you (whom I didn't have a chance) that I have broken the trust; wronged you; miss treated you; hurt you or not coming upfront to say sorry. I am very sorry!

Why should I forgive my dad when I don't see a need?

I can never picture my dad as a fatherly figure. He always uses violence and easily hot-tempered in most situations. When this happens, he will kick the door with a bang sound. He would throw items on the ground when he is angry and raise his voice on top of his lung. At night, he would frighten the whole family with beating and caning that causes us hard to sleep. He even speaks vulgar and awful words to hurt my mum and me. Eventually, this has become a habit since then.

I did not know I was physically and verbally abuse until one day, in my teenage days, I was talking to my mum and was half asleep. My mum called my dad's name that I disturbed her sleep, immediately he pulled my hair from behind and shouted at me.

I remembered blaming my mum for choosing to marry my dad. Afterward, my mum gave birth to me. It would be better off; I'm not born here on earth (Ecclesiastes 4:3). I commented those sentences are not to disappoint her but rather, to make her understand, nothing good comes out from her husband. Being her daughter, I feel ashamed of the act that he portrayed. Bitterness has constantly robbed my joy away. Anger started to boil up within me. At the back of my mind, I knew I had to forgive my dad and be kind to him despite all the wrongs that he had done. If my Heavenly Father can forgive all my sins and iniquities as a daughter of God, I must likewise forgive others (Ephesians 4:31-32). After all, he is still my dad.

Ten years had passed, still, struggle to speak with gentleness when hiccups take place. My best friend instructed me a couple of times to surrender all issues that relate to or deal with my dad to my Heavenly Father. I confessed that I have surrendered to God partially but not completely. She added on, by surrendering (100%) to God, we take captive of every thought and mind to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). When we choose to surrender, we are not allowing the devil to destroy us (Ephesians 4:27).

Our earthly fathers may fail us and make mistakes because they are naturally born sinners. They also need to be saved by the precious blood of Christ. Our Heavenly Father is so much different. He is someone that we can run towards where His mighty arms open-widely ready to hug His children. When we cry or pour out our feelings and sorrows, God will keep track of all of them in His book and collect every single tear in His bottle (Psalm 56:8). When we landed at uncertainty places, we can be sure that He is looking out over us wherever we go and will not leave until He fulfills His promise (Genesis 28:15). Our Father in Heaven is compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in love (Psalm 103:8, Psalm 145:8, Joel 2:13). We can rest assured that He loves us more than we will ever understand or imagine in this lifetime.

God has spoken to me is to love my father just the way, He loves me because love comes from God Himself (John 16:27, 1 John 4:7). As a follower of Christ, we must demonstrate the love of God to others because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8) which relates to our imperfection. To cover sin is to forgive, just as saying forgiveness is associated with love. Love doesn't keep a record of wrong (1 Corinthians 13:5).

Part 2 of my Testimony

2006 Christmas gift from myself when I was a very young Christian.

In 2011, two persons came knocking at my door, They spoke to me their knowledge of God is. Without knowing, I agreed to attend their Bible study. They announced to me that they were Jehovah's Witnesses only when I attended the 2nd study. Back then, no one told me, there are other Christian groups and/or division. No one warns me to be aware of them, all I want is to back my relationship with God. The person who taught me the Bible study did reveal to me that churches mainly Christianity doesn't want to be close and/or mix with them. Months later, I started to realise the different teachings. In my mind, I knew certain things that they teach and proclaim was untrue as I grew up in a church since the age of 6. I knew deeply, it wasn't the right doctrine as I continue to attend during my most free time. The worst part was I even get myself to be involved in their congregation on certain Sundays.

There were many doubts running through my mind, and I didn't know how to make a full-stop to all of it. There were times where I question God, "Isn't it, You tell me this and suddenly, now You tell me that?" Eventually, foolishness, guilt, shame, and loss consume me little by little. The entire event was the darkest moment throughout my birth. Along the way, I met my ex-Industrial Attachment (IA) supervisor in his own optical shop. He warned me to be careful of them and ask me to stay away from them because of their teaching are not the same.

One day, I felt my whole being and soul is collapsing. At this very point, I knew I cannot preserve any longer. As the tears running down my cheeks unconditionally while heading home. When I reached home that day, I got down my feet with my head bending low to the ground, begging God to forgive me for not following after Him and bring me back Home where His Presence is. From that day on, I will choose to be and live in the Light and no longer be in darkness or live in darkness.

Soon after, my IA supervisor bought me a church, one Saturday morning. After the Service ended, I wrote my particular details to attend this church. Unfortunately, no phone call or email from them as I waited for 3 months. After that, asked if the church call and I reply no. So again, this time, he brought me to Emmaus Evangelical Free Church which is my current church up till this day.

I really thank God for him who bring back to the Lord.

To our Lord Jesus be all the glory!