We came up to a
new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes
Darkest water and deepest pain
Wouldn't trade it for anything
'Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are stories You'll use
So I'm thankful for the scars
'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart
And I know they're always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars
I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, in Your feet
I found my victory
I can see, I can see
How You delivered me
In Your hands, in Your feet
I found my victory
//Scars by I Am They
On 16 August, Friday was the last day of my internship and
was also the last day of my course of study. Usually, people will be happy or
overjoyed because they have completed their course. However, I wasn't very
happy as it took me quite long to graduate and the worst part was I had to go through so many trials and suffering.
During my first year of the polytechnic, it was the hardest year of all. I struggled in a course that I like the most. Of course, from ITE to polytechnic was a huge transition for me and including my friends around me. I chose Interaction Design as my 4th choice and Communication Design as my 2nd choice. I was very happy because I get into Interaction Design because all along, I wanted to be in the Digital Media course. The moment when school starts, which is the first week, I was so stressed because I was not ready and every single day, there is homework and with assignments. The pace of the teaching is much faster than ITE. Every night, I felt I was burning out due to too much of drawing assignments and assignments dateline.
In the fifth week, I transferred into Business Informatics which was my 6th choice. I thought it will be quite easy than the Digital Design/Digital Media course because I was an IT student in Higher Nitec. But then, I was wrong. It was way harder and there was no way turning back. I was so upset and disappointed with myself. I struggled even more than the previous course. Initially, I planned to go towards Digital Media rather than an IT course because I don't want to face too much of coding language and I don't want to face Computer Mathematics. I don't have Bridging Mathematics in Higher Course because ITE has stopped this module quite sometimes due to a large number of students who are weaker and failed in the previous batches. Also, back in my Secondary school days, I studied Foundation Mathematics which means to say is not normal mathematics that almost everyone learnt. Well, I came from Normal Technical stream so everything that I learnt was all basic and foundation. So, in my mind, I had already known for sure, I will struggle whichever IT courses I picked, and I can't run away with it.
So, in my current course which is Business Informatics back in year 1, I struggled with almost every module when I first transferred course. Almost every time in the lesson, I would think of myself, "Why do I transfer course?", "Why do I make this decision in the first place?". There were so many why questions, I thought to myself. I failed so many ICA tests in almost every module and including examinations. I re-module/retook Principles of Accounting (POA) and Computer Mathematics, after which only managed to clear Computer Mathematics. I was even more depressed, and I thought I would be kicked out of school. Thankfully, the school gave me a second chance to re-module the second time for POA. After re-module the second time with the help of one of my churchmate , best friend and my tutor, I finally cleared POA.
Fast forward to today, to look back this entire 3.5 years. It has been the most draining and exhausting season of all the studies that I took throughout. I've learnt to press on even in the hardest hardships and rely on the miraculous power during my Year 2 coding project and my Final Year Project (see the previous post) which I prayed a divine prayer over to myself and I believe that He will definitely do it. In Matthew 17:20, Jesus spoke to his disciples, "for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as the mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."
True enough, God not just answered my prayer but at the
times, does the things beyond my expectation. Number of times, I had to relearn
what it means to trust in the Lord all over again. It just saying --- you are learning
how to walk with your baby feet and when you fall you get back up again. Isn't
it look similar when you watch a toddler walking with his/her tiny feet? Of
course, I've learnt everything the hard way.
I wouldn't have thought I made it thus far without the grace of God. If you were to tell me back when I was in primary 5/6 in an EM3 stream, for sure. I would be laughing myself and thought to myself, "Are you kidding me that I can go to polytechnics some days in the future?" In the same way, just like Sarah laughed to herself that she would bear a child in her advanced age (Genesis 18:11-12). By the time, Sarah bore a son, Abraham was already 100 years old (Genesis 21:5). The Lord said to Abraham, "Is anything too hard for the Lord?" (Genesis 18:14) Sometimes we need to ask ourselves this question too as it is still applicable and relevant in today's world.
To be honest, it
wasn't an easy path and smooth sailing journey, but I held on to certain bible
verses and look to my God, Yahweh who is my Mighty Warrior (Zephaniah 3:17), my
Strong Tower (Proverb 18:10) and my Protector (Isaiah 41:10). To sum up, with God all things are possible and nothing too small for Him to accomplish.
Remember that
You are not your grades.
Don't let failure define you because
Failure is the beginning of success.
**Motivation Quote**
